Best friends.
What do they mean?
To be there with the other person through their ups and downs?
I've always been there for so many people.
So many people have been here for me.
I understand many people.
Many people understand me.
They tell me their secrets and problems.
I tell them mine.
So tell me.
How do I choose the best?
And what does it mean to be best friends?
The following happened to my good friend's friend.
This girl, she had a boyfriend who had a best friend which happened to be a girl. And what happened was that he talked about the best friend all the time, went out with her all the time and basically was just really close to her. The girlfriend, being only human, naturally felt jealous and insecure, but the boyfriend did nothing to reassure her, or to make her feel better. Everytime she confronted him, he told her there was nothing between them and that they were just friends. But honestly, everytime she needed him, he was never there. But he was always there for the best friend, and cares for that friend so much more than his own girlfriend. He feels sorry when he upset his best friend, but never sorry when he upset his own girlfriend. He did not even stop to think that for a moment, he could have been the one who was wrong. But because the girlfriend loved him and wanted to believe in him, she held on and kept trying. For years she endured his behaviour but one day when she could no longer take it, she broke it off. And to no surprise, the guy didn't even make an effort to fix the relationship and just let her go.
So there you see, why I never really liked the fact that these best friends tend to ruin things for everyone.
Theres no such thing as blurring the line between friendship and love, and that's how I perceive things to be. Like I told you earlier, there has to be a line between relationships with people. You are either just friends, and always friends, or you are a couple, and always will be. When I say we are good friends, when I make up my mind to say that, it means that there will never be anything between us, because I already drew the line, and no matter what you try to do to take the relationship furthur, I will not erase that line.
Of course, I totally agree with you that some people start out as "best friends" and end up being more than that, but the truth is from the start, they never actually intended to be just friends, in their hearts they knew that they wanted something more. Thus my conclusion that if you see someone as a friend, that person will forever remain as one. Nothing more, nothing less.
I admit I didn't tell you the whole story of this best friend issue because I couldn't see how I could through MSN. I promised that there would be no more sadness, but in order to explain the situation, and to get you to understand what I feel and what I mean, I have to tell you this story. But please, don't think too much of it. It's the past, and I've completely erased any feelings I had in the past from my mind.
I never had a best friend, because in my heart now, I denied ever having one. And till this day, I don't even know if the relationship between me and him was enough to constitute best friends, but the fact remains is that we no longer are.
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When I was in my last year of high school, I was good friends with the guy sitting in front of me. I was a new student and naturally he took really good care of me. Days past and we grew to be rather close, till the extent that he changed seats and chose to sit next to me instead. At that time, I didn't feel anything, I thought he was just being nice, despite what the other people said about us.
Soon, he started telling me things about his family, his life, his relationships. Turns out he was in love with a girl in another class, and this girl just so happened to be my primary school classmate. What a small world. Anyways, I thought nothing of it, but as the days past, I noticed something wrong. I have to admit, I was a 'celebrity' back then. Every knew me, everyone wanted to be friends with me, and I was the teacher's pet. And so naturally there would be many guys surrounding me, but from then on he would get angry whenever they talk to me. He keeps me close, yet gives his heart to another. He gets jealous and possessive, but he never wanted to be with me. He says I Love You, I Miss You. But he never meant any of those words. And I never responded as well. But honestly, how was I supposed to feel and react? I thought we were just friends.
But everyday he comes to me with new problems about that other girl, and to see him get hurt over and over again, while I could do nothing but sit there staring at him with a blank face, was extremely tiring. Then on Valentine's day, he gave me nothing. Instead, he took out a heart shaped box and showed it to me. For that one stupid stupid stupid moment in time, I actually thought that the present was for me. But obviously it wasn't. He asked me if it was pretty enough, and that he was going to give it to her. I was devastated, but I smiled and said it was beautiful.
As expected, the girl never liked him and thus went out with someone else. He then said he wasn't ready to have a relationship with anyone else because he couldn't bear to be hurt again, and he told me to wait. (For what? I never liked him LOLx) And so I didn't wanna sit with him anymore. The pressure was too much to take. So I moved to the back and sat with another guy friend of mine, and I was happy because we could talk about everything and joke and laugh, all the time knowing that we are just friends, nothing more. He was temporarily erased from my mind.
And so, after 2 years, nothing happened. We didn't talk, we didn't meet. Absolutely nothing. He told me nothing. I had to hear it from someone else's mouth that he found someone new. And he never even bothered to tell me. I let go of our friendship because eventually, I got confused. He was confused as well. Our friendship, what did it mean?
Now, after all these years, he starts to look for me again. He calls me, talks to me on MSN, but I'm just so tired to reply. He tells me all these problems, and I say:"Go to your girlfriend." He says she dosen't care and that I was the only one who understood. He then starts saying 'I love you' and all that freaking nonsense, when he knows there is nothing between us. But I'm not stupid. He's just using me as a substitute for the comfort and care that he can't get from the one he truly loves. Now, in my eyes, hes just a really annoying and weird guy. Nothing more. I don't even see us as friends.
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Thus, in conclusion, I don't want to confuse people and hurt people who think that they can get more than friendship from me. So I can safely tell you that I don't wanna be best friends with just any guy. I don't want to be the best friend that might potentially ruin people's relationships. I don't wanna be the third party. Don't wanna be a substitute.
That is why these days I get paranoid, I get insecure, I think too much. I always wonder, what am I to people? Am I your friend? Am I your good friend? Am I something more? Or am I nothing at all?
Forgive me, but unless you are able to convince me otherwise, the words best friends mean nothing to me. I will be a good friend, but I don't wanna be a best friend to anyone I don't feel comfortable with, and I don't know if I can truly handle having a best friend. Because in my heart, I've already drawn a permanent line.
I don't know.
I need convincing.
My thoughts might be wrong.
Would you want to be my best friend or my "best friend"? :)
